Friday, January 27, 2012

Adventures in Babysitting (Yes… me…)

So I mentioned earlier that I have had very little actual experience with kids.  I’ve sort of watched some 6 and 7 year olds (mostly as an observer while my wife was babysitting) but that’s pretty simple.  You just roughhouse with them a little, flip them upside down, make corny jokes, and they’ll love you.  I’ve never spent any time with an infant without some supervisory aid.  Lately, that’s changed a bit.

Our neighbors here are a really nice couple from Canada.  They have two kids, a 4 year old and a (I believe at the time of this writing) 10 month old.  Over the last couple of months, I have spent more time with this child alone (a little over 4 hours) then I have with any other sub-one year old in my entire life combined.  Can I tell you how ridiculously nervous I was?

The first time I had him was maybe about 10 to 15 minutes while my neighbor (names will be omitted to protect the innocent) had to run and get her older child from the school bus, or to drop him off (I can’t recall exactly).  So here I was, holding a baby, and every neuron in my brain was firing off signals of, “PANIC, PANIC, PANIC!” and that was for only 10 minutes!  Later on, I was left with the child again, this time for 30 minutes.  I have no idea how to entertain a child I can’t talk to or make stupid jokes with, so I was left just sort of staring at him for a while.  You ever just look at a baby?  I mean, just sit there and watch an infant?  Admittedly… it’s kind of boring.  I know everybody says how precious and adorable babies are, but I was just sort of staring at him and thought, “Ok… are you gonna do anything?”  Don’t get me wrong, the child was very cute, and for a lot of people, that’s a wonderful thing, but the only thing that was crossing my mind at the time was, “Good grief, if I feel this way about this kid, how is it going to be when it’s my own?” 

Therein lies the reason why I worry about what kind of father I’ll be.  I’ve never felt any specific wonder at a baby.  For the most part, they always just struck me as a mouth to feed, and a mess to clean up after.  Everyone so far has told me that when it’s my own child, it will be different.  I’m pretty introspective though, and I think that for the most part, I’m pretty non-excitable.  Let me clarify for those people who know me well and are laughing at that last statement.  I can get pretty emotional, and when I get angry, at least not actually angry, people have a good laugh because I’m getting excitable.  However, when it comes to “life changing events,” I may as well be in a coma.  Some people call it being level-headed, or cool under pressure, which can be really good for pressure situations, but when it comes to things like moments where most people are all “WHOO HOO!”, I just tend to lean more towards, “meh.”

Anyway, the 30 minutes spent with my neighbor’s child was still pretty short and sweet, and I got through it alright.  The next time though… I had to watch this kid for two hours.  TWO HOURS!  Ten minutes, no sweat.  Thirty minutes, I could stem the tide for that long until his mom came back.  But two hours?  The progression of time has made me believe that my wife and my neighbor are conspiring against me to expose me to more baby time in order to prepare me for when my kid gets here.  Two hours… sheesh.  Most of you with kids out there are going, “HA! Two hours is NOTHING.”  The problem for me is that two hours can lead to problems like what if the kid starts to cry and I don’t know how to quiet him down?  What if I take my eye off him for a minute because I need to use the bathroom and he sticks his fingers into an electrical outlet?  What if I have to change a diaper?  That last one is still a horrifying prospect for me, because I’ve never done it, and I’m not looking forward to it.  I know I’ll have to, but I always preferred to wait until it was my own child, and what do you know?  That day is fast approaching. 

I never knew how much mischief a 10 month old can get into.  Despite only being able to crawl, this kid could motor around the apartment.  Mind you, it’s not a big apartment, so there’s not many places he could have went, but even when I tried to barricade his way with my feet, he just squirmed his way around me.  This particular infant has this weird obsession with going for the garbage cans, so whenever I turned my back, there he was, trying to reach into and take apart my little waste bins.  When I was able to pull him away from that, he ran over to my windowsill and started pulling the plants down.  When I got him away from there, he was pulling the books out of the shelves.  And this was only 15 minutes!  What the heck was I going to do for the remainder of the time?  

I eventually figured out some ways of distracting him (involving cleaning out a waste bin so let him take it apart without ending up in a pile of garbage) and was able to keep him somewhat stationary for some time.  Around an hour and a half into it, he started to get cranky.  This is where all the sirens in my head went off.  I had NO idea how to stop him from crying.  He was scrunching up his face, and making whiny sounds, and I started to lock up.  I picked him up, tried to walk around with him, but that just caused him to squirm, kick, and cry.  I feared that I was going to have to learn REAL fast how to change a diaper, but fortunately that wasn’t the case

It did however, call for me to do something I was trying to avoid.   It was pretty cold outside (as it usually is during winter) and I hate going out in the cold, but I was told that this was normally the best way to quiet him down and get him to fall asleep, and it was right around that time for him to take his nap.  So there I was, trying to get dressed quickly, and trying to put his little coat on him so he wouldn’t freeze, and that’s always fun trying to put clothes on a squirming infant.  Then I had to strap him into this five point harness that strapped the child to my front so I wouldn’t have to walk with him in my arms the entire time and risk dropping him while walking outside, except I couldn’t get the stupid locks in the back to close because I couldn’t find them after I had the kid strapped to my front.  So here I am, walking down the stairs with this child strapped to my front while struggling to hold the harness onto myself because the back straps wouldn’t lock together, and about five minutes after stepping out from the apartment… he falls asleep.  It took me longer to get dressed and get him into the harness.

All I could think was, “WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST DO THIS UPSTAIRS!” At this point though, I was just happy to have quieted him down, and continued to walk around with him until I figured his mom returned home.  After about 20 minutes, I returned to my neighbor’s apartment, and she wasn’t yet back.  As I’m detaching the harness and laying the kid down on his futon to finish off his nap, I run into a little dilemma… he still has his coat on, and it tends to be warmer inside than out.  So there I am, trying to delicately remove his coat without trying to wake him up, and his mother comes home, and I let out the loudest, silent sigh of relief (I’d rather not wake the kid up right when his mother gets home).  I explain to her how my day goes, and she gives me the sympathetic “awwww” look that most mothers give to people who have never dealt with a child, but that also has that hint of, “Yeah… that sounds like my usual day.” 

That was probably my most nerve-wracking time with a child to date, and I’ve got plenty more to look forward to.  So far though, I’ve been able to cope, and these little “trial periods” with the next door neighbor’s child has helped.  I’m hoping this means that I’ll fare better once it’s my own kid, instead of being a complete bumbling idiot the first time I’m alone with her.  I’m sure everyone will get a good laugh out of that story though.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Gray Hairs Already…

So this past week, we experienced our first real worry when it comes to this child of ours.  The doctor has stated that my wife may need to take early maternity leave because there is the possibility that the baby may be born prematurely if she continues her current level of activity, meaning her job.  Normally, I would chalk this up to what I perceive as the Japanese’s tendency to treat pregnant women like fragile creatures, but there was some concern going into this pregnancy at the beginning.

Prior to leaving NYC over two years ago, my wife had a procedure done known as a cone biopsy.  For those who don’t know what that is, it is where a piece of the cervix is removed in order to remove abnormal tissue that may progress into full blown cervical cancer.  The side effect of this procedure is that it would thin out the cervix, thereby potentially causing complications with the woman’s ability to maintain pregnancy.  It would only really manifest itself after the 6th month, which is exactly where we are.  There are procedures that can help to stem this problem, but they have to be done early on in the pregnancy, around the 12th to 14th week, and most of the doctors we had seen prior to this pregnancy had taken a “let’s wait and see” approach.  At this point, the best option is bed rest, so that may be the best course of action. 

This news has obviously caused us some worry.  Fortunately, we are already in the 3rd trimester of the pregnancy.  At this point, if the baby were born right this minute, she (with the understanding that we’re not sure of the gender of the child)would have about a 90-95% chance of survival, although it would require technological aid.  If we can hold off for another couple of weeks, that number jumps to a solid 95%, and there would be no need for technological intervention.  This does ease some of the concern, but no one ever wants to hear that their child may be born prematurely.  It’s a frightening word, and for the inexperienced parent, it causes me no end of fretting and consternation.  We have a follow-up visit this Saturday to determine whether or not she will need to take early leave.  I’m hoping that everything will end up being alright, but we will do whatever is best for the child.

The other day I was doing the laundry, and putting all the baby clothes to wash, when it occurred to me just how tiny our baby will be.  We jokingly call the child “Tiny Tien” right now (thanks to a suggestion from a friend of ours), but it didn’t really hit me until I was hanging up the onesies and little socks that were given to us by friends and family back in New York.  Most of these clothes will be outgrown within the first two months… but it amazes me that something so small will be under my care.  The one piece of advice to first time fathers that was given to me from a friend (and I am hoping that it is very true indeed) is that babies are really hard to kill.  Before people start charging at me with pitchforks telling me that I’m a monster for listening to that advice, he just meant that they aren’t as delicate as you think they are, and that you shouldn’t stress out over every little thing that may happen, or treat them like delicate FabergĂ© eggs.  I just hope it means that my child will see the early tough times through like a champ. 

I can’t wait to meet you Tiny Tien… but really, I can.  Take your time, we’re all here waiting for you to be ready.

Monday, January 23, 2012

A little movement goes a long way

This blog post was written on 11/12/11, but I can’t quite post it yet since we’re still keeping it a secret from everyone, so for now, it’ll go unpublished until the big day after we’ve announced it to everyone.

Let me just get it out of the way now.  HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!  Ok, now that I’ve actually written the words out, it’s very surreal.  I’ve been putting off writing this blog for some time because honestly, I haven’t really felt like it was happening.  We’ve had the confirmation now for about 5 months, and everyone that we come in contact with knows by now (hard to keep it a secret when you’re around them all the time), but we have yet to tell all of our friends back in the states.  When we arrive in December and show them firsthand, then everyone will know.  In the meantime, I haven’t been able to express myself properly because we don’t want it to leak out.

Tonight, while lying in bed, I felt the baby move for the first time.  It was subtle, but it was definitely there.  Once I felt the first movement, it was just a flurry of activity after that for a few seconds.  It was both exciting and terrifying at the same time. Exciting for the obvious reasons, but terrifying because I still feel like an idiot kid myself.  What the heck do I know about raising a child?  Another person’s life is my responsibility now, and that makes me scratch my head and ask “Who said this was a good idea?”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always wanted a kid, but the fact that it’s now a reality is kind of scary.  I’ve handled very few infants in my life, and I always feel like I’m ruining them just by being around them.  On top of that, I’m in a stage of my life where I’m completely unsure of what I want to do with my life, and it leads to some important questions that have to be answered, and soon.  How am I supposed to best support this child?  Right now, it’s my wife working, and I’m the keeper of the house.  It’s a complete reversal of gender roles, but that’s not the part I’m uncomfortable with.  The part I’m flipping out about is the fact that I will be the majority caretaker of the child during the day.  I will have to remember to feed, clean, change, and entertain this child for most of the day.  I’m barely capable of doing that for myself. 

I’m only mildly joking about that.  I get so wrapped up in the distractions I have set up for myself that I routinely forget to eat until I’m past the point of starving and cranky.  I don’t think that’s going to work very well once this kid is out.  The only thing I have going for me, at least in the concept stage, is that I’m normally able to adapt to whatever situation I’m in.  So far, I’ve always been able to find the smoothest, most efficient way of handling a problem.  The only issue is that I have no idea how that translates to a baby, because if babies are anything, they’re pretty unpredictable.  I’m pretty sure during the first day that I’m alone with the child for the whole day, I’m going to have a moment of utter panic (likely when I have to change the first diaper by myself) and I’m going to want to curl up into a ball and disappear.  Unfortunately, I won’t be allowed to do that… so who knows what will happen.

I know a lot of this nervousness and fear is only in my head, and there’s no way to know how I’ll really react until the child is right in front of me.  I think the biggest fear right now is whether or not I’ll be a good father.  My dad is not the best example for me to follow, because while he was decent as a provider, he was pretty horrible as a father figure.  Most times, he was just the guy who brought home money so we could eat.  While that’s important, he wasn’t really someone I can look to as a role model.  I look at my brother and his family, and they have a lot of things going for them, but living in this very different situation, I’m not sure how things will work out. 

I always drive myself nuts with these questions, and they usually work out all right in the end.  I guess what it comes down to for myself is whether or not I think I’m a good enough person to be a good father.  I think for the most part, I am.  Any insecurities I feel right now just stems from inexperience with the situation.  I’ll be learning on the job, so to speak, and I’m normally pretty good with that.  I guess we’ll see how things go… wish me luck.